I lost my uncle (mom’s brother) about two weeks ago and have been trying to come to terms with it since then. There was so much I would have liked to say to him before he left, all the more now that he is not here. So this is my attempt at doing that, something I hope wherever he is, he hears.
I am angry, I am hurt and most importantly I am sad. Two weeks ago on Monday morning you made my mom, your elder sister call me and tell me something she should never have had to. You left! Without warning, without a word of goodbye, you left. Did you not think of what this would do to us? To your wife, to your son and daughter! It’s your son’s birthday today, he turns 14 today. Did you care that you were leaving them so young. Do you care that your kids will have to learn how to do something that stumps people even when they are much older, that they will have to learn how to live without you at such a young age!
It hasn’t sunk in yet, every now and then I remember and can’t help feel cheated. You are supposed to be here. You are supposed to tell me off when I do something to radical, like braid my hair pink (aunts don’t do that). You are supposed to be there when I start looking at boys and do a thorough background check to make sure they are good enough for me. You are supposed to be there when I get married, running around and making sure my big day goes off without a hitch! You are supposed to be there when I have kids and be the cool Nana! You are supposed to be there when I lose my parents to old age (God forbid) and console me! You are supposed to be here……..but you are not.
People are saying that you were such a good soul that you attained moksha! For some reason that makes me sadder! I am glad you found salvation but that also means that I will never see you again!
I know you didn’t chose to leave, but I am gonna use the fact that I am the younger one here and be mad a little longer please. But no matter how mad I am at you, I will also take this moment to make you a promise. While I know your wife and your kids will always miss you and think of you, I promise we will always be there for them. They are my younger siblings and I will always look out for them. They will always have someone to lean on, advice them and generally be there. We will always miss you Mama but we will also strive to make you proud. Even if you have attained moksha, I know you will always look down on us from above and we will be the men and women you would be proud to call your kids and nieces and nephews. Same for your sisters, you were a loved brother and I know how difficult they will find to just keep going. I promise you, we kids will be there for our mothers and make sure they never feel alone.
So go well Mama, be at peace and know we will always love you and think of you and that we will always be there for each other. Go well Mama. I love you soo much.