Meandering thoughts of a wife: what is in a name?

The first of my girlfriends to get married was in 2015. That was also the first time we had a serious discussion on whether it is still ok to change one’s name after marriage in today’s modern times. She went on to change her name and take on her husband’s, the logic being that she needed to move to the USA and it made it easier to get a visa if the couple had the same name. At that time, the over thinker that I am, I had concluded that I would probably hyphenate my name- to keep my name and my husband’s, become Akshita Misra-Tripathi from just Akshita Misra. Before marriage, my husband and I had the name conversation. He made it clear that he did not expect me to change my name. However, I felt it necessary to inform him that I was willing to hyphenate my name to include his, felt that it would mean something if I did not even consider that much.  He agreed to that suggestion.

Alas, 1.5 years into the marriage, I am still; happily; Akshita Misra. Over the last 1.5 years, people have called me Mrs. Tripathi on numerous occasions, and every time I have to look around before I realize that, they are referring to me. However, that is just the thing. I am not Mrs. Tripathi! At least I do not feel like it. Mrs. Tripathi is my Mom in law. I am Akshita Misra. I am AM. I am Mish/Misra to my friends. I have been raised a Misra. My thoughts and conscious is Misra. My husband married Akshita Misra! Who even is Akshita Misra Tripathi?  

Why does the name change feel like going into a witness protection program? Does not it feel like just another way/form of stating proprietorship over a woman by a man? A way to let the world know that that particular woman belongs to that particular man.

On the day of my wedding, I remember having a passionate discussion with my make-up artist, trying to explain to her that I did not want to change how I look. I remember telling her on a particularly sensitive topic of wearing colored lenses, that I wanted my fiancé to recognize me when I walked up to him. I wanted him to know it was I. However, does not that include my name? When names are such integral parts of our personality and taking away one’s name dehumanizes us (think prison cells or hospital wards) why is it such a given thing that a woman will give up her name for another? Also if I have to change my name, then why not Princess Consuela Banana-hammock?   

p.s: my husband has never bought up the name change again, he is content with my name as is. Our nameplate does not read Tripathi or Misra- but rather our first names.

Meandering thoughts of a wife: why am I unable to say no, am I accommodating, traditional or just a woman?

 

I got married almost 1.5 years ago to an amazing man. Despite it being an arranged marriage, I genuinely loved him before we got married. The first year of our married life was an interesting year to say the least, with pandemics, job losses, threats of job losses all looming over our head. Yet I can honestly say I am probably more in love with my husband today than I was a year ago. However, the thoughts often wander…. Does loving him mean agreeing to his every request? While my husband has no qualms about stating how he feels on any topic or asking for what he wants, I am unable to do the same. Whether that be in terms of what he wants to eat for dinner or sitting and reading a newspaper when I am busy cleaning the house; content in the knowledge that his chores can wait for later.

Is this because I am generally an accommodating person and tend to adjust or adapt to whomever I am with at that moment? Or is there something more sinister at play? Is it that despite my every attempt, despite how modern and liberal I think of myself, there is a bit of the traditional wife in me somewhere whose sole job in life is to keep her man happy? Have our upbringings been so different in terms of allowing children to have their own thoughts and be independent? Or is the difference because of our sex? I grew up genuinely believing that my parents made no differentiation between my brother and I in terms of liberty, education, manners, household chores or expectations. Nevertheless, has the world, our experiences and society in general managed to condition us differently as men and women? Does the ability to walk into a room and be taken seriously just because of your sex, or the ability to walk on the streets alone at night without at least being alert, give one enough confidence to take on the world and demand certain things as a given?

I have been thinking about it for the last few days and am no closer to the answer than when I started. However one thing I know for sure, no matter what the answer is, accommodating, woman or traditional, I need to start stating my opinions; thoughts and wishes without being apologetic about it.

New Year, New Beginnings: Quite Literally

As some of you may know, I got married last year in November. The previous year was spent almost completely in planning for this wedding and mentally preparing myself for the upcoming changes, along with an absolutely disastrous project at work. Safe to say the previous year was spent in a blur and left me extremely frustrated with myself. I mean, I am supposed to be awesome and undefeated in everything I do, Right!?. Thankfully I understood the folly of this thought process quite quickly. It also led me to become extremely introspective in the last month of the previous year. This introspection was primarily in the form of the new changes in my life and how I wanted to live the rest of my life. This process was extremely important, as I not only got married but moved to a new city. I went from living with my parents; who knew me literally from day one, to living with a man who I loved dearly but only knew from our few meetings in the last year and daily video calls that lasted at the most two hours. I also completely lost my social circle; which I have had for my entire life. Furthermore now I have a much larger family, more relations to maintain and nurture and a lot more expectations from me in my new role as the daughter/sister in law and wife. With these things in mind, I came up with my bucket list of new year resolutions.

P.s: I am experimenting with the block editor feature on WordPress, so bear with me. 😀

Become a Healthier Person: this one I will probably struggle with the most and thats why it is on top. Over the last two years, I have struggled a lot with my work demands and issues surrounding my personal life. of course, in this process; the first thing to take a hit was my physical and mental health. I put on about 10 kg and just essentially stopped paying attention to myself. In the age where self-love is becoming increasingly important, I decided it was time to focus on myself once again. For this purpose, I am doing two things- exercising regularly and eating healthy. I have started to work from home post marriage; as I moved to a city where my organization doesn’t have an office. Due to this, physical activity has become almost negligible. But since this new month of February, I have managed to get a solid 1 hour of exercise everyday, where I am brisk walking for 5 km each day early morning. I get up at 5:30 am for this. I also manage to walk about 11,500-12,000 steps every day. In addition to the early morning walk, I have started on the spot jogging or walking during my work calls. Having said this, I feel its important to point out that this resolution is to do with fitness, as opposed to getting thinner. I love my body regardless but want it to be healthier, with less lethargy and tiredness that comes with being stuck at home through the day.

Learn Gardening: I have always loved plants and being surrounded by nature. In my home in Delhi, we have a pretty nice terrace, which is full of plants and flowers. I absolutely love it. When I moved here to Pune, I was relieved to see a huge terrace in our apartment as well. This resolution was a result of this. While I know how to keep a plant alive, I want to go beyond that to learn how to pot and re-pot a plant, how to provide it the necessary nourishment and actually help it blossom without depending upon my gardener for the same. I have spoken to my gardener and he has agreed to teach me. In January I moved towards this resolution by watching him work and observing and asking a bunch of questions. In February, unfortunately I won’t be making much progress, as I am trying to limit my spending but March, I intend to bring home a few seeds or a sapling and plant my own plant. Hopefully by the end of the year, I would have a small kitchen garden going with a few veggies and herbs.

Learn Bar tending: this is simple and much to do with my growing fascination with Gin. I fully intend to either take a course on this; or simply get my husband to teach me ! P.s: having a husband from the hospitality industry sure has it’s perks.

Maintain a Gratitude Jar: I read about this concept somewhere and absolutely loved it. This year, My husband and I started this practice. Every week, both of us write down something we are grateful for in that week and drop it in a jar. We are not allowed to read what the other person wrote. At the end of the year, we will open the jar and look back at the year and everything we were grateful for. I think its a really nice way of focusing on the positives in life and not getting stuck in the everyday-ness of things.

Get a Tattoo: This was another thing that got carried forward from last year’s resolutions. Last year didn’t feel right in terms of getting a tattoo, as I felt that I would get it done in a rush and would thus not be able to appreciate the process much. So, yes, this year this gets done for sure.

Ready 24 Books in the Year: An extremely important one for me. Last year, due to everything that was happening, I barely read 5 books and it made me feel absolutely miserable. This year, I am starting out with a relatively modest aim of 24 books (I have successfully completed a target of 30 books in the past). The focus this year for me is on self love again, so my list of books this year revolve around self-growth, feminism, travel and digital minimalism. Presently I must admit, my husband and I are also obsessed with Subhash Chandra Bose, so some of that will also reflect in my end of the year list

Cook at least five days a week: This was extremely important for both my husband and I, since neither of us are what you would call healthy. My husband, living alone, had a tendency of ordering food and having food at irregular and odd timings. this; coupled with the fact that I typically don’t like cooks cooking food for me (no matter how tasty); I needed to cook on a regular basis. Thankfully I enjoy cooking so its not a big deal and gives me something constructive to do in the day. I am also focusing on maintaining a no-carbs diet for the weekday nights. Have successfully done so for the last week.

Donate an amount on my pet’s birthday: I lost my dog in 2012, and he played such an important role in my life that I have always felt the need to keep his memory alive in some way; shape or form. So this year, I decided to start a tradition, every year, in November, on his birthday; I would donate an amount to a animal charity of my choice. Since November is also the month my finances typically will for a toss, I have not fixed the amount but have a target in mind. The idea is not to donate a fixed amount but to rather donate something! My husband loved this idea, and added his 3 pets (one is alive) to this list. So now, on each of the four dogs birthday, the two of us will contribute something to a charity of our choice.

Embrace Digital Minimalism: The second book I read this year goes with this same name and I loved it enough to make me want to embrace the lifestyle. My next blog will further deep dive on how I am going about doing this, but the first step I took was to delete all social media and shopping apps from my phone (no, I haven’t deleted my accounts just the app) and got myself an offline planner and habit tracker.

To Do List for Every Indian Bride: Things No One Tells You

So yes, I am back after a little more than year. I have been so inactive that it took me about 30 minutes to figure out how to log in to WordPress again. But anyways. A lot has happened over the last year for me. I broke up with my boyfriend in the beginning of the year, subsequently tried dating and failed horribly, met the love of my life a few months after, fell in love, got engaged, got promoted, had a shit year at work, and I am now getting married in exactly 81 days and moving to a new city. I am also off to Bangladesh for the whole of September on a project. So yes, good times ahead.

However, today I just got to thinking that over the last few months I have read a significant amount of blogs and articles on guidance for young couples and brides. While all of them provided some useful insights and definitely played a role in my wedding plan, none actually told me the things that mattered. So I am taking this opportunity to do just that. Hopefully this blog will help some other bride along the way:

  1. Don’t try to do it all: this was probably the biggest mistake I made. I tried to do it all, plan my whole wedding, be the attentive fiance, daughter, sister and friend, be the same high performing colleague/employee I have always been, get some exercise in and lose some weight and all the while look fabulous while doing this. Of course, this lasted only about 2 months post my engagement where I realized I was close to burning out. This was followed by a small melt down session and a tête-à-tête with a dear friend, who very bluntly reminded me that by trying to be perfect I was just setting myself up for failure. So yes, its perfectly fine to tell your family, fiance, friends, relatives and of course, boss, that you are tired or just need some ‘me’ time. No, you will not lose the bride/daughter/fiance of the year award for this
  2. Spend time with your family and friends: this is true whether you are the bride or the groom. Its also specially important if you are about to move out of your parental house or into a new city. Sometimes, we get caught up in our every day and the excitement of planning the wedding that we forget the things and relationships that matter the most. Again, a gentle reminder of this came for me when I fell out of touch with 2 of my closest friends because I “didn’t get time” to call or text and they were giving me a wide berth since they figured I was busy with wedding planning (true assumption though). As a result there was a time where I went 2 months without speaking to them, something that had never happened before. Once I realized this, I started almost scheduling my time with my friends and family to ensure I was getting it done. I started going on lunch/dinner dates with my mom. Going to the movies with my parents. I watched a sweet little show on Netflix with my mom, set aside specific weekends when we wouldn’t do any wedding planning, though this just meant we spend a few hours on it rather than the entire weekend. I started setting reminders for myself on my phone to text or call friends and even my brother. Scheduled calls with my friends (I literally asked for a suitable time) so that both of us took the time out. After all this, I don’t know whether my loved ones felt the difference, but I sure did and strangely it reduced my stress levels rather than adding to them.
  3. Spend some quality ‘me’ time: I would say this is even more important than the previous point. One thing we are very good at doing is forgetting ourselves when something new comes along. Last month I bleakly realized that it had been 5 months since I had painted or even picked up my sketch book, I had barely read one book during that period and had essentially been operating on auto pilot just trying to cram everything into a short time. As a result, I wasn’t actually enjoying any of it. Even my conversations with my mom and fiance were stressed because I was constantly thinking about something else while talking to them. Once I realized that, I made a conscious effort to get back to reading, watching movies and even painting. As a result, I finally learned water color painting and guess what, it reduced my stress levels and also made me more creative both in work and in the wedding planning. Of course, in keeping with this, is that don’t forget to pamper yourself a few days before the wedding- take a spa day, body massage, get a mani-pedi, trust me you will appreciate it even more.
  4. You are the show stopper: not the dress or the jewelry or the make up. I am an overweight, average height and average looking girl. I am also someone who has a very classic, simple and modern taste in fashion. I definitely do not prescribe to the “bling is in” ideology. You cannot imagine the number of comments I received within the span of 6 hours when I went shopping for my make up artist and jewelry for the big day. Each and every make up artist felt it their obligatory need to point out that my wedding lehenga was simple (the whole lehenga is in a Banarasi Brocade but just because there is no bling its too simple) and my features were lacking (as if I was not aware of my flaws in keeping with today’s beauty standards). Thankfully for once I was so sure in my choices that I didn’t listen to the critique. However, for days later I kept reviewing my decisions, looking for similar designs and looks online to assure myself that I had not made a bad choice. Peer pressure comes in all shapes and forms after all. Only thing to remember, its your day and you and only you should get to choose how you look or feel on that day. Also, don’t stress yourself out over losing weight- the dresses are made to suit your body and not the other way around. Anyways, with all the stress related to the wedding, you are bound to drop a few kilos without any effort before the big day.
  5. Be very careful when you choose your trousseau: This is for me a very critical point. All the blogs I read, told me about which designer I should use for my trousseau and the must have’s for any trousseau collection. Only one told me how to plan it in terms of the number of items and ensuring what all will be covered. Also a common error is getting too many dressy outfits or traditional outfits and not actually reviewing your existing wardrobe. Gone are the days that a bride would only carry brand new clothes to her married home. If there is an outfit you already own and love, there is no reason why you should have to get rid of it or invest in the exact same outfits again. I also did a review of what my needs would be post marriage. Both my fiance and I are the eldest children of our generation, thus there are a lot of weddings to follow in the coming few years. Also since I am moving to a new city, I will be working from home for at least the foreseeable future. This made me pick a mix of branded, local, traditional and western outfits for my trousseau. While there were a bunch of branded outfits or trendy outfits for when my fiance and I would have a night out or there would be a family function, there are equal number of everyday wear’s that I will use when working from home so that I don’t work in my night shirt. My fiance and mom are convinced that that will happen regardless, but that’s besides the point.
  6. Insist on a Bachelorette party: I mean why not. It doesn’t have to be a destination event or even a whole weekend, but yes, a party with your friends, is a definite must. Get stupid drunk, have cake, play absurd games you never would if you were sober, heck get a stripper to put on a show or have a nice dinner and sleepover with your friends. Do whatever suits you and your friends, but do it. Make the memories that will add to your wedding album. Celebrate your friendships, and while you are at it promise to always stay in touch. I mean, lets be real, if for nothing else, you need a bachelorette for your instagram stories.
  7. Try and get an understanding of the traditions on the other side: I am so glad I did this and well in advance of my wedding. A relative of mine got married a few years ago and very excitedly bought matching bangles with all her saarees. Only to find out two days before the wedding that she needed to wear Kaddas for a year. I also got to know that I would be expected to prepare a sweet (halwa) as the first thing to be cooked once we reach the house post marriage. I had of course heard of such stories but always assumed that were tales of a time passed. However, nevertheless since it was a small ask I decided to respect it. That of course meant practicing how to make it, since i had never done it before. Overall, it felt good to know what to expect before hand and have a chance to prepare myself. This also includes simple things like is it ok to wear a suit on the first day or should you be wearing a saaree, who’s feet you have to touch, who is optional and who is a absolute no. I feel this reduces the overall anxiety associated with the process by helping us be better prepared,
  8. Try not to keep things till the last minute: My wedding date was fixed approximately 6 months before the date. This gave us plenty of time to plan and organize the whole thing. I have a travelling job and so had to accommodate my travel itinerary along with everything else when planning. As a result, more than 2 months to go, I am done with all the big tickets items and just need about 4 days to wrap everything up. This pre-planning has also allowed me to make informed decisions and not rush through anything. I like to research and really choose whatever I pick up, the extra time we took really helped with that. However, the biggest advantage was that it allowed to get my pick of cards, venues, make up artistes, decorators etc. Also, friendly tip, most of them have an off season discount, if you make the booking in an off period (even if the function is at a peak time). While individually they may not seem to make a difference, when you total it all up its a nice little dent and every penny helps in the long run.
  9. Your Honeymoon Destination: This was one topic that was probably the most debated one in my household. There is a certain pressure to go to a foreign location for your honeymoon. Its an even bigger stigma if you don’t go for a honeymoon at all. Take my word for it, none of it matters. After our engagement, my fiance and I realized that post the wedding we would be too exhausted and worn out to enjoy anything. Both of us, thus made a conscious decision to stay in India itself. I mean, its not like there aren’t amazing places to visit here. We were clear on what we wanted from our honeymoon. We wanted a quiet, relaxing place, where we could chill for a few days and just connect with each other and not be exhausting ourselves further in trying to do too much or exploring a new country. Another factor that was critical in our choice was that we wanted it to be a place neither of us had been to before. After much push back from our families, we put our foot down and booked Pondicherry and I can’t wait.
  10. Try and be Sustainable while you are at it: this is a pet topic of mine, occupational hazard I suppose. While I acknowledge that this is each individual’s decision, I feel the following steps are easy to take and have a more sustainable wedding:
    • All the cosmetics purchased by me, for myself or as gifts, were organic products or brands that are cruelty free;
    • Again, in fabrics, I chose materials and designs that were natural products like cotton, silk or wool and did not purchase any real leather or denim
    • through my trousseau, I made an attempt to capture the local arts and cultures. My trousseau contains items from Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Nepal, Gujarat, Bihar, Kolkata, Assam, Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh, Punjab, Maharashtra etc. I downloaded the textile map of India and made a conscious effort to cover as many states as possible. This was not just in terms of saarees or suits but also small things like bags, stoles, shoes, jewelry etc. It is my aim to complete that map by next year
    • no single use plastic will be used at my wedding or its functions and any disposables will be the biodegradable variety

One Day- Dean Winchester POV

a couple of years ago, I started watching the show supernatural. It’s season 4 is quite dark and depressing. I wrote this poem when I was watching that season, and wrote it from the perspective of Dean, however I think it fits into either of the brothers.

One day, there will be nothing….

No pain….. no hurt

No confusion……

No doubt …… no betrayal

No loneliness… no numbness

One day, I will feel again…..

I will feel the cold…

The pressure……

The reassurance of life pumping through my veins….

The pain……

The desperation…..

The reassurance of the fact that, I am still alive

The cold……..

The all engulfing dark…….

The reassurance of the fact that, finally it is over

 

and I shall forever wait for that one day…

 

_ Akshita Misra

In my Backyard

In my backyard early morning, what do I see;
I see my little squirrels scuttling about the ground,
I see the monitor lizards sitting alert on the mounds,
While the tiny licenidi flutter around,
I see the Indian robins, all beautiful and round,
while the rockchats simply hop around,

In my backyard early morning what do I see;
I see the shimmering sunbirds singing in joy,
I see the occasional Kingfisher all blue and coy,
I see the rock pigeons, who never fail to annoy,
I see the rare hoopoe; who in the sunlight enjoy,

In my backyard early morning; what do I see,
I see the shikra and the kite,
Both showing of their might,
I see the petite sparrow, so tiny and light,
I even see the bee eater, who looks stunning in flight,
While the green pigeons are happy sitting at a height,

In my backyard early morning, what do I see,
I see the Egret moving with the cattle herds,
I see the common crow, irritating the other birds,
I see the bulbuls, sitting like perfect nerds,
I see my mother calling; and telling me to stop looking at the birds!!!!!!!!

By- Akshita Misra

My Opinion of ‘Mahatma’ Gandhi

I am in the process of reading the Makers of Modern India by Ramchandra Guha and thus was tempted to put down my thoughts. They are more than likely things already thought of and well-articulated by many, but nevertheless, they are mine, in the sense that I have not read these anywhere and have not heard them from someone, I came to these realizations while interacting with the world and nation on a daily basis. It is going forward my endeavor to be more regular in writing and will try and update at least once a month if not more.

One of the thoughts going around in my head is the calculated shrewdness of Gandhi. While I acknowledge Gandhi’s role in bringing together a country that was otherwise torn across too many lines and contexts, unifying a people who were never meant to be unified, I have to confess, I am not a follower; believer or sympathiser of Gandhi. Blame it on my generation or the fact that I haven’t seen a war (Kargil happened in my time, but I was really too young and self-absorbed to understand what was happening) or that I am simply ill-informed, but fact remains, I believe Gandhi had tremendous power in his hands and he failed the nation at some basic level. However, this entry is not about that, it is not about why he was wrong, many have spent countless hours and pages recounting the reasons that I do not get into it here.

Despite all my discomfort with his doctrine and ethos, I have to give him credit on two accounts or rather one simple one, he perhaps, among the many great scholars; intellects; philosophers and leaders, is the only one who truly understood the task at hand when it came to achieving India’s freedom from British Rule. His shrewdness, for me showcases itself spectacularly in two places, him recognizing the need for breaking the barriers of social hierarchy and opening up the nationalist movement (for the want of a better word) to every strata of society and his take on non-violence as the way forward. Gandhi entered the freedom struggle, considerably late, in the early 1900s. By then many had come and attempted in their own capacity and perspective, to wrestle some amount of freedom from the British for the ‘motherland’. In keeping with this, Gandhi had the fortune of retrospective analysis, he already had examples laid out before him of what others had tried and what the end result was. Prior to Gandhi, the nationalist leaders (Rammohan Roy, Bal Gandhadar Tilak, Syed Ahmad Khan etc.) were individuals focused on certain aspects or certain territories/provinces. While respected, their influence was limited to particular groups and provinces. The most prominent groups among these were the ‘elites’ the upper castes, classes and educated groups within the country. India till date remains a country with a high proportion of population which is illiterate and dependent upon manual labor for their livelihoods, this was even more so the case in the 1900’s and before. Thus, these individuals, before Gandhi, though having the right outlook, lacked the perception of the magnitude of effort required. Perhaps it may even be said that these individuals never truly aimed to over-throw the British rule, but merely sought concessions and permits within an existing system (of course, it may be argued, that this was also Gandhi’s stand in the initial years of the Swaraj movement) or that they didn’t then have access to the Indian National Congress and its reach. The perception they lacked was that no battle/struggle for Swaraj or independence could be won without the support of the masses. Till then, whatever concessions had been achieved from the British were more towards these elite groups, and in my opinion aimed at appeasement rather than actual empowerment.

Gandhi saw the folly in this, he realized, through retrospection that the only way to be successful against a power so robust and ingrained in our society as the British was to have sheer numbers on your side. He realized the downfall of infighting based on caste, creed or religion and aimed to remove it from our societal narrative. He then systematically moved to nullify these barriers so that we may present a united front to the British. Call me an idealist, but I would rather he had professed that there was no difference between Hindus and Muslims and other religions, that it was not about respecting each other but rather understanding that different cultural practices did not make us different. Every religion within itself has varied forms of worship and do’s and don’ts, that does not mean that the religion gets split into different pieces, but rather each individual piece is acknowledged as being a unique part of a larger whole. I would greatly appreciate it if someone could share any work/speech of Gandhi to the contrary. The same was the case with women. Gandhi was not a feminist, in the sense, that he did not believe men and women to be equal. There are those who have interpreted Gandhi’s work as him not being in favour of women entering the economic sphere of society. Regardless, Gandhi did understand that by keeping women away, he was keeping almost half of the gentry away from the movement. he thus advocated for the role of women in the freedom struggle and in my opinion, advocated against practices such as Purdah which were a hindrance to women’s participation.

His second victory of perception was the emphasis on non-violence. I strongly believe it was the gift of hindsight that allowed him to take this stand. behind him were the numerous struggles and resistances, all armed, all failed, whether that be the regional localized struggles, or even the revolt of 1857. He had also had the good fortune of having traveled to South Africa and the West and had thus been truly exposed to the ‘might of the British empire’. In one of his speeches, on the matter of Hindu-Muslim unity, he stated that there is no victory in violence, that by resorting to violence Hindus and Muslims will not achieve what they wish, but rather only through the sacrifice of self, or non-violence. What struck me was that in the whole speech (four-five pages long) not once did he say that even if victory is achieved by violence, it will be ill-earned and will not serve its purpose. He simply stated that victory was not possible. This I am of the opinion was reflective of his stand of India’s position against the British, it was not that freedom and victory was not desirable through a violent struggle, but rather it was not possible. Britain of the time, before the world wars, was one the mightiest empires across the globe, and controlled all of the legitimate arms trade in the subcontinent. To mount an armed resistance against this magnitude of power successfully would have been neigh impossible. Thus, the other option was to take the route that had worked in the past, of cooperation but turned on its head, ‘non-cooperation’.

In conclusion, I do not believe that Gandhi was an enlightened soul or Mahatma, but rather a shrewd lawyer, who was an incredibly good strategist and orator, for this I will give him his due. I am in the process of reading more of his works, and perhaps there may come a time when I change my opinion of him. However, till then would welcome a healthy dialogue of anyone who wishes to present their view; for or against my own.

The Stories a Hug Can tell

A hug is of various types and serves many purposes. It ranges from a quick pat on the back with someone you haven’t seen in sometime, to a long lasting one meant to reassure or provide comfort; or simply because you missed the person. It is a symbol of joy, celebration, sorrow, companionship, love and friendship. As versatile as hugs can be they are also specific to each relationship or pair of individuals. Each pair has a typical style of hugging, which rarely changes in cases of joy or sorrow. For some that’s a sideways hug, for some a bear hug and for others it’s one tucking themselves into the other. Whichever form, it tells you a lot about the relationship between the individuals if you just watch how they hug.

I have been a fan of supernatural and the boys for more than five years now. For five years I have yearned and waited with bated breathes (as have most fans) for the next episode, the next season. I survive on the brotherly love, not just between Sam and Dean but also between Jared and Jensen. I adore both the fictional and real life personas tremendously and ship them as my friendship/brother OTPs. Safe to say, one of the things I crave the most is the brotherly moments, not just between Sam and Dean but also Jared and Jensen.

The brotherly hugs between both sets are like chocolate or coffee for me. They have the potential of making me smile bright and full teethed. They fill me with that warm and fuzzy glow; that in most cases lasts through the day. They also at times make me bawl like a baby (when the hug is about comfort, or when one of the brothers is dying, on the show of course). Whatever be the reason or nature, I crave them, cherish them, hoard them and revisit them over and over again.

In this revisiting process I have realized something; the hugs between Sam and Dean are just another example of how J2 are amazing actors and have embodied the characters. The key in this instance is the differences between the Winchester hugs and J2 hugs. I am sure the members of the fandom, like me, can tell apart which hug is for which set just by a glimpse at the picture, whether that be based on the attire or setting.

Possibly the biggest difference for me between the two sets of hugs is how they reflect the dynamics between the boys. The Winchester hugs are another means of personifying the relationship between the two brothers. They are tight, bear hugs, usually with one brother seeking comfort or reassurance. The hugs reflect and showcase the desperation and need to feel the other person against you, reaffirm that they are there, to once again familiarize yourself with their unique scents. But each hug is also another way the dynamic of Sam and Dean is re-established, the dynamic of elder brother Dean and younger brother Sam. This happens through Sam folding himself onto Dean’s shoulder, while Dean himself stands flat footed. When it’s Sam initiating the hug, he usually bends down to Dean’s level (as he does with practically everyone). Even when it’s Dean initiating the hug, he usually pulls Sam down to his level, and Sam of course goes willingly.

a

In contrast, a J2 hug, usually involves whoever is initiating the hug pulling the other into them with a hand on the neck. The difference is that it usually involves Jensen standing on tippy toes to accommodate Jared’s height. In the sideways hugs, Jensen is usually seen as happily standing tucked into Jared’s shoulder.
b

In the Winchester hugs, I have always seen the personification of the brother’s relationship with Dean as the protector and leader and Sam as the one with faith and trust in his elder brother. In contrast; the J2 hug is a hug between equals, standing side by side with each other. There are moments when the roles are of course reflected of Sam and Dean, but that is usually when one is seeking comfort and reassurance as well.

However, regardless of whether it’s a Sam and Dean hug or a J2 hug, I hope we keep getting more and more of each and may these on and off screen brothers keep fighting the good fight.

Fifty cups of coffee by Khushnuma Daruwala: A book review

Its been ages since I posted anything but since I refuse to be regular about this, I will just simply stop apologizing. In my defense the last three months have absolutely left me with no space for cognitive functioning. My work has taken over my entire day and sadly nights as well. Oh well, hoping the projects I am presently working on turn out amazing, cause literally blood sweat and tears have gone into them. 

Anyways, it’s also rare that I post a review for a book that’s been released the same year, but yes that’s what I am about to do now. Why now, cause I am on a three hour flight and my laptop has died so there is literally nothing else I can do. The book fifty cups of coffee, is my chicken soup for the soul, it’s the book that if I can, I will probably carry around with me wherever I go, at least for sometime (as soon as I get it back from a friend). It’s a book about a thirty plus single woman in India, who is finally ready to get married so starts looking for prospective grooms. Since she is not in a relationship, she is left with the option of online dating and match making websites. The book charts the hilarious journey of this woman as she meets guys and goes on dates to assess their suitability as life partners. According to the forward the book is based on the real life experiences of the writer’s friend.

I honestly don’t care if all the instances quoted are make believe, I absolutely loved it (if that wasn’t already obvious). I loved it I loved it I loved it. Ok I am done fangirling, the book is written simply, to the point and with an amazing wit, sarcasm and humor. Another plus is that it wasn’t lengthy and thus made its points in a very crisp manner. The book puts all the fears and experiences of single women out there in the open, reminding the girls out there that we are definitely not alone when we undertake this journey. This book is basically a mirror held up to our faces and reminds us that we are not idiots for feeling the way we do. The book reminds us to not settle for someone who we know in our gut isn’t meant for us. The book reminds us that just because the whole world thinks we need to settle because ” biological clock is ticking” doesn’t mean we do just that. The book also reminds us that some people will find their happily ever afters with their dream men after years of struggle (or not), but others will find their happily ever afters with themselves, probably chasing sunsets. 

I could go on and on but to put it very simply, everyone girl out there, single or committed, who is yet to get married and is being reminded by society of why she is something lesser because she is not settling down, do give this a read. Give this a read and remind yourself that it’s perfectly alright to wait it out, if you are not ready then you are not ready, it’s that simple and the world be damned. To all the girls out there already married (happily or not) do read this book, and have a laugh probably going down memory lane, or thanking your lucky stars that you didn’t go through that. For the men and boys out there, do read this, of only to get an understanding of our perspective, and maybe someone can write a counter piece from your angle as well. 

Basically, no matter what age, gender or marital status, do read this book. 

Something has got to give

Its been months since I have written anything, honestly its been some time since I felt like doing anything at all. I am always sleepy. I am spending more time on social media than I probably ever did. I am barely keeping in touch with my friends, heck my own brother. I am scarcely exercising. I am barely reading. I haven’t touched my paints in I think 3 months now. I haven’t written a blog in god knows how long. The only thing I am doing is eating, correction, hogging and of course sleeping. It’s like someone has taken the wind out of my sails.

Last year was great, professionally, personally, in every sense. This year, nothing seems to be clicking. It feels like no matter what I do I am not getting anywhere, not getting anything done. It feels like I have nothing to show for this year. You know the hamster that runs of that silly wheel without a purpose; yes that’s me right now. It seems like I have lost my purpose. Like I no longer have my eyes set on the goal. Heck, I don’t think I know what the goal is anymore!

Has it been a bad year, I don’t think so. Yes sure I broke up with the guy I was dating, I didn’t get the promotion I knew I wasn’t ready for but would have loved anyways, I have done decent work, nothing great but haven’t made mistakes either. But I don’t know what it is; I just can’t seem to shake the funk. Maybe it’s time for a change, maybe a job change, or another guy, or even some weight loss (which I am putting back on). I don’t know, I just hope I figure it out soon. Actually I am going on vacation next week (a whole 8 days!!!!), so hopefully it will be just what I need. I better, because I don’t know whats wrong, just that something has got to give.